; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
