on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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