so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
