There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
