You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
