Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
