I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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