My friends, they love my intelligence
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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