just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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