I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
