I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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