handjob tips. give me some.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
