they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I smell stomach acid.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
