She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
