someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
why is half of my head shaved?
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