i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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