i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
