just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
