I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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