i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
