is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
