i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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