Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the day after is always just damage control
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
