I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
