You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
