im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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