you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
