We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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