my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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