We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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