im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
