Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
