There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
