I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
