Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
