I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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