I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
