It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
