He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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