I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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