i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
