hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
