i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
