I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
