dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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