He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
