Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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