WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
