remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
