ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
