I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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