You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
