I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I love having hate sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
porn star boner night. come get it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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