I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
