handjob tips. give me some.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
